A friend of mine recently asked me about relationship routines and ruts. My friend believes, he and his wife are in a rut, he is giving more than receiving in their relationship. As I listened to him share, I was able to hear that my friend did not feel appreciated and his actions of love were not being received. This sensation rears its little head in my relationship as well. Chris and I often have arguments about listening to each other, appreciating each other and valuing the relationship. They are important discussions to have.
When I am working with a client who says they do not express their feelings or upsets with their partner, I feel scared for them. It is usually a good indication that the couple is not sharing truths or emotions of love and this can lead to relationship distance and burnout.
This is what I shared with my friend when he asked my advice. First, I celebrated his willingness to share his experience! It can be hard to share what is “really” going on in a relationship and paint a facade for the world. Second, I celebrated his desire to want something different for the future; he intends to grow as a couple. I asked if he could identify with feeling unappreciated and that his love was being repelled. He agreed, appreciation and love acceptance where his core feelings and needs.
Next, I requested he does two different activities:
- Watch a video on the Four Love Styles from Tony Robbins, look at this 5-minute video here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpjney649dw. This powerful video allows you to see how you give love to the world. There are 4 Love Styles, style 1 and 2 are often unfulfilling and cause a knee jerk reaction from the world. They are confusing ways to give and receive love and cause pain. Style 3 and 4 are richer ways to share love and often are returned with powerful moments of warmth and a divine connection. These techniques can diminish anger, resentment, hurt and even something as debilitating as war. True love is born from these styles.
- Take this love attachment style assessment – How We Love – https://www.howwelove.com/love-style-quiz/. How We Love is an assessment tool that helps you better understand how you attach to other humans. This data offers great insight into the relationships we create and how we feel in our relationships.
Finally, I asked my friend what new ideas he had developed. He was able to see more where he own intentions were coming from and how he can try a different approach for a new result. More More importantly, he now feels like he knows himself better and work toward the love he desires.
Please take some time today to watch the video on the Four Love Styles and take the How We Love assessment tool. If you have any additional questions, I would be happy to discuss it more with you. Schedule a time to talk here
Molly Hillig Rodriguez